Right lets get the apology over with first of all. I have to say such a big sorry about my long absence over the past few weeks. It’s honestly nothing personal, well actually it’s all very personal. A few weeks back I got my first bar job. And since then I’ve been as busy as a buzzing bee.
It’s difficult to explain to you how much I’ve changed since getting this job. Before I was stuck in a rut of rejection and pretty much laziness. Since my graduation back in July 2014 I’ve applied for well over 250 jobs each time writing a cover letter, attaching my CV and bits an bobs I’ve written but alas nothing. To be honest I can’t complain too much. I have an amazing support network and when it all got a bit too much, a friend said she could possibly get my me a job in a local pub and here I am now.
I love it. Literally it’s so much fun, the people, the other staff it’s all really lovely here. I’m slowly, very slowly that is getting used to pulling pints and serving food and hopefully I’m doing a half decent job.
Really though the main difference that I can see since I started working is in me. I work irregularly hours sometime and usually work weekends so I have to really plan when I want to go out to make sure it’s at times that work but that’s hardly an issue. The one thing that has really really stood out to me since I started working here a few weeks ago is that my confidence has come up.
I wouldn’t say that my self confidence is severely low, but on the outside I’m always this bubbly cotton ball fluff mess, someone actually described me like this, but like most people on the inside I suffer a whole load of insecurity and suffer from self destructive habits like calling myself names and other bits, that really are too personal to make public. The facade I put on for others has never really been who I am before but since I started meeting new people and realising that I can actually hold a decent and funny conversation with someone. Or that I can take the lead if a person, whose come in for a quick few, just needs their mind taking off the stresses of their daily life I can accommodate it. And strangely, I think I might be quite alright at it.
I like people. I like thinking that people might actually like me. And I like thinking that potentially I can make a person feel better about their day.
Whilst I’m working here I’ve been swept off my feet with how much work a bar/pub staff actually have to do. It can be quite tiring stuff and whilst I’ve had from some people the old: “that’s not a real job,” I can safely say being on my feet for 8 hours a day, dealing with issues and serving people all with a smile on my face even at the most difficult times is most definitely a job and I literally salute all those people out their who suffer from the same stigma that I have unexpectedly starting facing.
“You went to uni, you should have a real job,”.
Well if you really don’t want to class what I do as “real” that’s fine but as luck would have it I haven’t found anything in my trade that I studied. I haven’t had my “lucky break” in that sector but honestly I think of myself very lucky to be working under a great boss, with other staff who are lovely and be earning a living. Quite frankly it’s better then doing nothing at all, which is what I was doing. Sorry if that doesn’t fit with your idea of me. Actually I’m not sorry. Fuck it. I like what I’m doing. Even if I stay here, one month or for the next few years I won’t be able to regret taking on a job that wasn’t potentially what I ‘should’ be doing after I graduated.
I’m still young and I still want to enjoy all life has to offer. So I’m saving and planning for the future but meanwhile I’m going to enjoy having a laugh with the locals and serving pints even if I never learn how to pull a perfect pint of IPA.