There are some positions a bride can’t give away, for example Mother of the Bride – that one has pretty much been out of your control your whole life. Other positions such as Chief Bridesmaid and Best Man you’ve also more than likely had in your head for a while. Best friends, and brothers and sisters generally are a safe bet. People who mean the most to you will always want to help you more, but don’t kid yourself in thinking they’ll know what to do or the perhaps more awkward situation – they turn you down.
For a bride a turn down of a role that big is obviously heart-breaking, not to mention extremely frustrating – you don’t want to have ask your husband-to-be’s little sister – and you’re pretty annoyed your friend would drop you like that. A turn down is a blow, a Chief Bridesmaid or Matron/Maid of Honour is a huge responsibility for any bride to give and as a bride it shows your loyalty to your chosen friend.
Why then has she left you in the lurch? You’ve offered her an amazing opportunity and she’s just…well grrrh!
However turning you down doesn’t mean they don’t love you or are any less loyal to you, instead perhaps you should think about the reasons they’ve let you down. Maybe they hate the spotlight; a fear of tripping or tearing your dress as you gracefully glide down the aisle is not anybody’s cup of tea. Maybe they believe they won’t be able to help you enough and feel instead that someone else could do it better and they’d hate to ruin your big day because of their inadequacies. Inadequacies they probably don’t suffer from but still believe they have. A turn down won’t necessarily be because they can’t do the job, but self-doubt and a lack of self-worth can cause a lot of issues when it comes to a role of that size and that responsibility.
What if their fingers are too fat to tie the favours together, what if they organise a crappy hen-do. What if?! What if, is the one thing that can turn anybody with enough strength of character into a wobbling and self-conscious mess.
Don’t take a turn down at face value – generally there will be a reason behind it. If you’ve know this person a while, or your whole life which is probably bet as you’ve offered them this giant role – you will ultimately be able to figure out if there is a true fear of letting you down on your wedding day that is stopping them.
If there is a tension following your asking and her answer you need to talk. If you’ve seen Bridesmaids you know that losing a friend whilst trying to plan your big day is simply the worst. You need them when you have to cry over your bridal bling not being blingy enough or when the dress you really want you can’t have because it’ll take too order in. Chose a location you both love, such as your favourite coffee shop and over a few lattes and a skinny blueberry muffin discuss the reasons (calmly) why she said no. Try not to be too forceful, chances are she’s feeling rubbish at letting you down too. Perhaps you can convince her to change her mind. Go in with a list of responsibilities she would have if she changed her mind. By making a list you’ve set out a clear plan for her. For some a plan is all it would take for them to change their mind. For others it might work in the opposite direction. If there is no changing of mind, it’s something you’ll just have to get on with. There may be other ways for her to help out behind the scenes that she’d rather do, such as sending out RSVP invites or helping you choose your cake. Possibly you could leave the position open, you never know she may help you out in ways that ultimately she doesn’t realise are already fulfilling the position you tried to give her in the first place.
Being a bride is tough but remember that your friendship is tougher. Together you can work together and create your day that’ll be special and unique to you.
In case you can convince her here are some great sites to help out with responsibilities and if they want to toasting you on the day!